Peer support can be a foundation in the recovery process from substance use and in processing grief after the death of a loved one. In-person (Griefshare has a directory of local groups) and online grief groups (see last week’s blogt for a listing) can offer peer support. Those in addiction often rely on support groups like Alcoholic Anonymous (AA), Narcotics Anonymous (NA), Secular Organizations for Sobriety, Rational Recovery, among others, which are led by those in addiction for those in addiction. AA and NA usually recommend those in the program choose a sponsor who is a peer.
I have yet to find something that combines the two: a grief group for those who are in addiction who have lost a loved one to addiction.
Generally speaking, there is less stigma in the death of a loved one who died from cancer or a car accident than there is for those who died by unintentional overdose, or a heart attack after cocaine use, or cirrhosis of the liver from alcoholism. Whether the stigma is internal or external, it often exists. And I believe that stigma can prevent people from attending a general grief group. They aren’t sure what the reaction is going to be when they share to the group that they used with their friend/relative/significant other who died. How would someone react? Would they blame them? And if they already feel guilty and ashamed, will it be intensified? Will the group make the grief worse?
And yet this population needs a place to process their grief as well as a place to share their happy memories. They need a safe place and support to talk it out. Just like all of us do.
Some studies have shown a connection between grief and addiction, that grief can be a risk factor for use or relapse. Disenfranchised grief, complicated grief and traumatic grief are all forms that sometimes need outside help either in the form of peer support or counseling to reduce its effects. If there is no help or support for this population, does it increase relapse? Could it increase the chances of the griever overdosing and dying themselves? I do not know. So far, I have not been able to find studies that have looked at overdoses that could be connected to the death of a loved one by substance use.
I’ve found a study that states community support does not positively affect outcomes in grief; and I’ve found the opposite outcome in another study. I have heard from people who attend grief groups say that grieving with others is helpful and takes a bit of the burden off it. They say it helps to share. I’ve heard others say it doesn’t help them; that hearing others sad stories just makes it harder for them.
The combination of addiction and grief is a difficult one. In order to move through grief it takes the development of tolerance for sadness and emotional pain. And it takes time — a lot of time. Often, someone with a substance use addiction struggles with management of emotional pain. The drug numbs the pain instantly and sometimes they get used to numbing the pain. It makes it difficult to process grief.
Now, add to that the overwhelming number of deaths related to drugs, and then add “typical deaths” (i.e., illness or accident).
How does the person with a substance use problem process their grief unless it’s with others who are also struggling with the same issues. What about the girlfriend of the man who died by opiate OD, who is shunned by his family and they blame her for his death. Or the man who used together with his girlfriend and he woke up, but she did not. The man who was drunk by his mother’s bedside and left right before she died to drink some more. The woman who was high at her step-father’s funeral because she couldn’t handle it any other way.
They are unlikely to walk into a general grief group and with such a disenfranchised grief, a group is one of the things they might need.
Currently, me and a counselor I work with are working on setting up a drop in grief group for those who are struggling with addiction. I’m not sure what, if anything it will do, but it’s a drop in the bucket and we’ve got to start somewhere.
Grief Meets. . . 